The Left-Hander

Realisation

2012-01-26T18:44:00.001+08:00

Maybe I really don't dread school because of its inhuman workload, or the increasing demands of career preparation. I guess the real toll lies elsewhere.

It can be such a lonely experience staying in a small place where thousands of people live. What else can I do? Stay close to God? I'm already trying my best.

Somehow I get the sense that my utility as a person is now more valued than who I am. Constantly making effort to stay connected, fearing that if I stop, I will just slip away into the darkness. Maybe not forgotten, but also not really missed. It is incredibly taxing, on both emotions, and self-esteem.

Maybe I don't see a solution now, but I am hoping God shows me a way.

自由

2012-01-23T15:49:00.002+08:00

不喜欢这种感觉. I thought I was over it...

我要真正的自由！

Less

2012-01-19T10:05:00.001+08:00

Less Facebook, more Holy Book.

Left Behind

2012-01-13T00:26:00.000+08:00

The sense of being only in the peripheral vision of others, is not a very exciting prospect.

It never feels good when you start out with the best of hopes, believing that as long as you are nice, and you treat others as you would to yourself, people will be drawn to you. Of course, you might receive the occasional disdain from problematic people (depending on who you really are), but all in all, this simple logic is supposed to hold true.

So imagine the surprise you might experience when this goodwill emanating from you, doesn't seem to be reciprocated. In fact, it makes you forgotten. This quiet wish that people will recognize you for who you are, probably not possible if they don't even notice you.

What is this adolescent insecurity doing in a social setting of a college? Shouldn't we be already past that? I guess it is not essentially an issue of the setting, but rather the insecurity of being with people who are different. Different not on superficial terms, but different in beliefs, values, and the things that we hold important.

So, it is true that you can be lonely without being alone.

I am really thankful for the people who have stood by me. These people might be peers, they might be older, they might even just be a sibling. But there is a sense of being accepted that makes it immensely comforting. Even if it's just a chat on the phone.

And I think God is always the best friend to go back to, because I know there is nothing to hide behind, so my fears, and insecurities I can lay them down. So as I learn to rest before God, I pray that I leave these fears behind when I re-enter the buzz of everyday life. And this constant need to feel accepted will die off, and I can be who I am meant to be.

Honest to God, and also honest to self.

Greatest Fear?

2012-01-07T00:19:00.000+08:00

Maybe the greatest fear isn't that of failure; It's the feeling that after all the hopes, dreams, fears and struggles, you haven't really made a difference after all.

我要打十个！

2012-01-05T00:06:00.004+08:00

As I start to fill up my schedule, a sense of foreboding creeps into my consciousness. It looks like it will be the most epic semester yet, and I will be more busy than ever before. More challenges, and less time to react.

But there is a difference that I sense in the coming semester, that makes it different from my previous ones. Because what I'm going to do for semester 2 of 2011/12, I have chosen to take them on.

That is compared to semester 1, where I kind of feel like everything is being dumped on me, while I'm left to deal with it or die.

So. It makes the coming semester action-packed and 惊爆。I am still a little apprehensive about it all. Who wouldn't be? So many commitments to fulfill. Not only in school, but also in church.

But I trust that God will walk with me along the way, and I shall reciprocate by sticking with him. After one semester of grace from God, it is no longer just a matter of faith, but an issue of faithfulness.

God has stuck with me in the past, He will stick with me all the way.

Being Content

2012-01-02T16:50:00.001+08:00

The trick is not getting what you want, but wanting what you get.

of answered prayers

2012-01-01T21:33:00.002+08:00

It was definitely the right thing to do, offering the first morning, which also happened to the first Sunday of 2012 to God.

Because the faith inside has been renewed, and strengthened. By offering to God through prayer, words and actions, I have experienced God's leading in every step of today's worship service. The band was tight, and the music served as a steady platform for the congregation to meet God. Strongly felt the Holy Spirit moving through the congregation today.

I guess the worship team also benefited from having a prepared heart, having spent 30 mins with the morning prayer with prayer ministry. Which reminded me how important the time to prepare our hearts was.

Also the day ended perfectly when God finally answered a prayer that has been on my mind;)

Worship Practice

2011-12-30T10:17:00.001+08:00

Whenever you think you've got it, there's almost always something that will come along to remind you that things are not always under control.

And when you think that you might be up to the task, the doubts never fail to surface the moment practice starts.

All I know is that I'm called to do it. And that's what I'll do. I'm disappointed that the music is not better, but then again, if God delights in it, who am I to complain?

2011-12-20T02:11:00.002+08:00

No matter what I pursue, there's a question that always pops up. And that question posed to me usually goes like this:

"Yes, but how is the relationship between you and God?"

Somehow a close walk with God is a pre-requisite to all things that I do. But truth be told, I usually treat it as a good-to-have rather than a to-die-for. Perhaps this paradigm shift is something that I need to believe, experience, and demonstrate in order for a real breakthrough to occur.

LAI.

2011-12-06T02:10:00.001+08:00

What is this feeling? I can feel it - a breakthrough is impending!

But I don't know what the breakthrough is going to be about.
I can't imagine what it would be, but I just feel that something is coming up.

There's just this sense of hope in my gut, this excitement that is brewing within.

All these messages about daring to dream, and the pursuit of it. I count 4 clear examples of them in the span of 3 weeks. And that is not counting the numerous conversations I've had with people about it.

So 2 big takeaways:

”不要想太多，只要大声说，OH YEAH!"

And more importantly,

“放下，顺服，相信“

DO IT.

2011-12-02T00:44:00.001+08:00

Now that exams are over, I can't wait to do the things that I want to.

Finish my unfinished books.
Read a new book.
Spend 8 hours on music instruments.
Use 7 of those 8 hours to google new and exotic basses that cost my entire savings.
Spend the remaining 1 hour rocking out \m/ \m/
Think of crazy hairstyles to try.
Procrastinate about the haircut.
Eventually settle for the same old style that I've been having for 20 years.
Begin writing my memoir based on my future career.
Start writing the memoir from the ending, and work backwards.
Sleep in and promise to sleep early that night.
Fail to sleep early AGAIN.
Just drive around Singapore, stopping around whenever I feel like it.
Go for night cycling, complain afterwards that I'm too old for it, when in fact I'm just too out of shape for it.
Have supper till midnight, before going to ANOTHER place for post-supper supper.
Ponder on the meaning of life.
Give up pondering and have some snacks.

So many things to do, so little time!

Sleep

2011-11-27T22:19:00.001+08:00

God, please give me a good night's sleep tonight... last night was horrible!

Music

2011-11-25T03:06:00.001+08:00

I give thanks that there are infinite possibilities in music.

I am glad that different peoples of the world enjoy and cherish something so different, yet similar in nature.

Would You Remember?

2011-11-22T19:22:00.001+08:00

How do you remind someone who cannot remember?
Or correct the behavior of someone who cannot change?

For that matter, would scolding a Dementia patient even do any good? How should one respond? I am so sick of this, yet I know the only right way to respond, is with even more patience.

But the best I can muster up right now is to not talk about it at all. I think I am really furious about it, and talking about it any more will just make me blow up. The worst thing is, she doesn't even remember doing anything wrong. She doesn't even remember doing anything for that matter. It somehow makes me the bad guy for being angry.

'She can't remember right? Why are you so angry?'

What she is going through, I can imagine it being pretty horrible - I am not saying it is a walk in the park. I am also not saying that I fully bear the brunt of this suffering. My parents and my sister face her everyday, much more than me. They experience far more problems than what I imagine.

But my empathy is running low, along with my patience.

So. I can't show my anger about my grandmother. I can't keep harping on it because:

a) she cannot remember - she won't and she will deny it even if she remembers.
b) she cannot change - because of the previous reason.

So God, what is your hand in this?

By the time I have finished this post, she would have forgotten whatever I told her, and went back to the exact same person she has been for these few years.

I guess that's the only consolation.
I still get to be patient and nice with her if I mess up the first time.

One Flight Down

2011-11-16T22:45:00.001+08:00

On a night like this, I thank God there is Norah Jones.

More?

2011-11-16T00:20:00.001+08:00

It's pretty scary what happens when you suppress all your fears, your anxieties and your doubts, trying to live with it daily without it showing. And for me, tonight during prayer meeting, I was kinda shocked at its intensity when it was all unravelled.

The fatigue that you experience when you are constantly challenged beyond your limit - It eats you up. From the inside. And tonight, I guess I couldn't take it anymore.

So I asked God, "Why?"

"Why am I being subjected to this? Why do I need to be stretched to my limit time and time again? When I rise to the occasion, I'm not rewarded with anything but another bigger challenge!
I don't want it. I don't want to keep living in all these fears and doubts."

And the only reply I received was, "My grace is sufficient for you."

God, You know that I will keep doing the right thing. That's my resolve. You know that.

All I want is just more assurance from You, is that too much to ask?

So, I left prayer meeting not feeling refreshed, not energized. I was still reminded of the reality of God's presence, and that He is watching over me. I know that is enough. But can't I have more?

Soul Food

2011-11-14T01:26:00.001+08:00

Whenever I feel that my world is going to collapse, it usually just means that I haven't been spending enough time in conversation with God. All the needy, lonely, frustrated, tired, angry personas that seem to appear usually disappear as soon as my soul is nourished.

Let's go!

Real

2011-10-31T19:00:00.002+08:00

"Sensitive people faced with the prospect of a camera portrait put on a face they think is one they would like to show the world. ...Very often what lies behind the facade is rare and more wonderful than the subject knows or dares to believe." — Irving Penn

2011-10-22T23:59:00.007+08:00

有些事情观察到了，可是又不方便问为什么。。。怎么办？

Sleep.

2011-10-19T22:21:00.003+08:00

Today, I had the most epic dream (to date). I dreamt that I woke up late for class around 9:15am, and though I was full of guilt, I decided to sleep again. On the condition that I attend my 2:30pm class.

The second time I woke up at 11am, I decided I still had time to sleep. The sun was up, but hey, can lah.

Then the third time I woke up, the sky was a deep shade of blue. I lunged at my hp, and saw 6 o'clock. Which meant I had slept the whole day away. Was I so tired?

I saw my room mate, and he looked at me.

I could feel his judging eye look at me, his roommate who slept the whole day away, and obviously didn't leave the bed since his jacket was still on. He probably wondered what was wrong with me.

"Er... Hi."

I could feel the judging seeping through my skin. My mind ran through the array of reasons explaining why I had slept through the day.

"Hey, Good morning.", came the reply.
"Oh... WAIT. What day is it today?"
"Wednesday, why?"
"Oh m-"

Then it dawned on me. I had in reality dreamt of waking up twice, and the third time it was real! I woke up at 6am after a 5-hour sleep!

PHEW. Epic scary. On time for school.

Click.

2011-10-18T22:58:00.001+08:00

Not trying to jump the gun, but I am really starting to wonder how long will it be before my work is truly mature enough.

I understand that it takes years of dedication, living and breathing photography before the fruits of the labour can be enjoyed. But I'm just feeling a little lost, and a little directionless. Well, not totally without a bearing, but it's still a very vague direction.

I need a personal vision, and a passion. Something specific. Because without it, I think I'm just pressing buttons and turning knobs.

Challenge.

2011-10-06T02:13:00.000+08:00

Somehow the load is getting lighter, while the challenges remain ever... er, challenging. I'm beginning to feel a sense of ease whenever deadlines come close. A reassuring sense of God being in control.

How can it be? Maybe I'm starting to share the yoke with God:)

To Love the Unloved.

2011-09-25T01:42:00.000+08:00

Today I had a long talk with Jordon, and it filled me with both joy, as well as a sadness.

I have never been one to really reach out to others, to touch lives through my interaction with them. I have never seen myself as a role model for others to emulate. We're all flawed in one way or another, if you must, emulate Jesus, I used to think.

But as I start to interact with Jordon over these few months, I realize I'm not really in control, God is.

On one hand, circumstances compel me to reach out to him; His auntie approaches me for help, and not anyone else. She puts me in contact with him so that he can be 'helped', as she puts it. I have no choice but to 'help' him, if you want to see it that way. I need to do something.

But on the other hand, I feel a certain sadness when I see him, and think of the things he has been through, or could be going through. What goes on inside a person who behaves like this? What kind of hurt has forced him to build up such a defensive response to the world? My emotional response to his person is unexpected, and frankly, surprising to me.

He is not really close to anyone, let alone me. And I'd expect myself to feel at least slightly uncomfortable to consciously reach out to someone so different in terms of background, culture, and interests. But I have been looking forward to talking to him all the time. Which I find odd.

Maybe it's a burden that's put in me by God, I guess. To be able to feel the sadness that he is feeling, maybe that's the so called empathy.

So as I talked to him at length today, I saw a glimpse of the real Jordon. Just a moment, a minute or two. The Jordon that I am sure God meant him to be. It was just a moment.

Then it was back to the hoohah, the gung-ho. But I could tell that he was himself for that few minutes. And that, made him really happy.

I was really relieved too, because God heard my prayer. I told God that I was clueless, and equally helpless. I didn't know what I could do to help him! What should I say? What should I do? Am I doing it the 'right' way? - I had to compact all these thoughts and mail them to God. "Nah, you take the lead."

And God really answered my prayer:)
And that, made me really happy.

Argh.

2011-09-20T00:21:00.000+08:00

I have no reason to be so nice. In fact, I think I am fuming, and there is a ball of pent up frustration with this guy that is snowballing. This shall be the last project that he handles.

Don't know what overcame me just now, I even talked to him like I was in the wrong! Because I know I want to get things done, while he doesn't. Actually, I don't even know what he wants. Maybe some sayang? Or some recognition? Or some respect?

God, I'll trust that you'll do me justice.

Judo Club

2011-09-09T00:27:00.000+08:00

It takes great courage, and sometimes great wisdom to rise above the challenges that come before us. Am really thankful that today's training has been one of the best so far. In terms of attendance, in terms of the running of training, it was pretty smooth.

Thankful that I have a great committee that is pretty committed even though some of them are in final year. During training, as I thought about the great attendance, I was once again reminded that as long as I keep trying to find God's favor, everything else that troubles me will start to fade away. And as I think of the anxiety felt when I compare myself to the great judo captains that I have been under, God showed me that when I seek Him continually, He will open up doors and pave the way!

Sigh.

2011-09-07T00:50:00.000+08:00

做事容易，做人难。

活动容易搞，可是最麻烦的，还是难搞的人！

Pure

2011-09-05T14:13:00.004+08:00

It's always easier to make things more complicated than they actually are.

Kinda ironic, but it's probably true. I'm reminded that what is pure, honest and without hidden motivations, can bring the most joy.

More often than not, we forget that there is a beauty in relationships that are simple, earnest and genuine.

And that, believe it or not, really takes some effort.

Staying Close

2011-08-28T23:17:00.000+08:00

Stay close, with an open heart.

Maybe that's all that's needed of us, and God will speak.

Well, I'm listening.

Stretch

2011-08-27T00:38:00.002+08:00

I'm definitely being stretched right now, Ps Biyun is right.

Can't help but feel stressed whenever I think of school assignments, of leading a CCA, of learning to be more than what I am now.

Whenever I feel stressed, my rational mind saves me with the promises that God has made.

Actually a little surprised that I can use the word 'rationality' in association with 'promises that God has made'. Well, it's because I have experienced the fulfillment of these promises, that I can logically conclude that other promises in my life will be fulfulled, even though I do not see it.

I am so stretched right now, and I am not really enjoying it, contrary to what one might assume. Choosing to do the right thing is one thing. Liking it is another.

And what about those things that are neither right nor wrong? What then do I do if it's not enjoyable?

Fail

2011-08-22T00:43:00.003+08:00

Do I really have perfectionist tendencies? My psych evaluation seems to say so.

An internalized, and highly fixed notion of winning vs losing, success vs failure, has deep roots from my experience. It's caused by extended immersion an environment which places high emphasis on results. And whenever the goals that I set out to meet aren't met, I will be filled with guilt and self-repoach, as this inability to meet goals will be perceived as failure.

In my world, success is 理所当然 if the right effort is made. But we all know these goals are never all met, so I am constantly reminding myself of these 'failures'.

Which results in a fear of making decision, and the fear of not doing a good job.

Sounds like my secondary school, where everyone is (taught to be) ever more anal about results. And sounds like the CCA I have been in for 6 years, where winning a national silver medal means nothing, because I have just 'lost' the gold.

But even as I learn of this, I only have the words of God to hang on to. Because I cannot shake of the yearning to be more than mediocre. Still cannot really come to grasp with the possibility of just leading a normal life, and doing 'just okay'.

I can only pray that this perspective that I have been drilled to assume will slowly be shifted to something else. God's perspective perhaps.

But now, I am slowly dying from my own expectations, and I am still terrified of failure.

Phew.

2011-08-19T01:24:00.000+08:00

What an intense week. Every ounce of my energy spent on something big, or something important.

But then again, I keep asking myself what's really important?

So drained right now, but I'm reminded that it's only the beginning of the year; still have a long way to go. So I need God to sustain me, though I know He's been doing it all this while.

Well, I believe He's doing it anyway. At certain points in this week, I've felt great measures of anger, frustration, helplessness, fear and even claustrophobia. I never thought I'd survive, but the fact is, I did. So in a sense what I thought wasn't possible actually happened.

Listening to Priscilla Ahn - Dream Now. Don't know the lyrics, don't care. It's soothing to me ears right now. And maybe healing my soul a little.

Bottle

2011-08-15T19:37:00.002+08:00

Bought a new waterbottle, which costs $18.90.

And that begins a fast from can drinks for 16 meals, before I can start to say that I am saving money.

Habit

2011-08-14T21:36:00.000+08:00

Why does it always seem like such an uphill task? They say in time, daily conversations with God will become a habit, and when it's a habit, God will speak to you.

But it is not getting any easier. If anything, it is making me doubt if I'm doing it right. Maybe my ears are not open.

They say knowing God is about heart and mind. I think it's more than that, because there is also the soul. The part of you where you not only understand God's work in you, feeling the joy and the peace that comes with God. It is the part where you spend day and night with God, sensing a presence and a gentle guidance.

And that is where something might be missing. This engagement with the soul, this connection, is hard to describe. Maybe when it's finally there I'll know how to qualify it.

But right now, the silence is kinda deafening.

Hall

2011-08-10T00:16:00.002+08:00

Need time to adjust my lifestyle back to that of a hall-staying undergrad.

But sometimes, I really wonder if the convenience is really worth it. I am leading a CCA committee as president, moving tons of stuff to and fro every week, missing 3 of 4 prayer meetings every month, and spending 200 bucks monthly in the process. And all these for the convenience of marginally more sleep, and technically less travelling to lessons.

Is it worth it?

Doubt

2011-08-04T23:04:00.000+08:00

韩国的领受，有吃到，但原来还没有吞下去。

God, I guess only you can make Sunday work..

新事

2011-07-18T00:11:00.006+08:00

还没有把心预备好，就要飞了。。。

三次的访韩中，只有这次感到非常疲倦。
可是，心中还是希望会一样经历到上帝。

主啊，你要在这次的旅程做什么新事？

Rest!

2011-07-06T21:24:00.000+08:00

Rest is hard to come by, and my past few days have been cherished. With nothing much forced upon my agenda, I am enjoying the daily commute to church for morning devotion, the breakfasts after that, and the feeling of having nothing on my agenda for the rest of the day.

Though it seems like tomorrow will signal the end of that, I shall choose to believe that the rest God gives will neither be too much, nor too little. It will be just nice, so that we can always be reminded to depend on him.

The week after that will be the other side of the coin, activities filled to the brim, and possibly ~~little~~ no sleep. Time to gear up again...

Settle

2011-07-02T21:13:00.001+08:00

If you want water to become still, you need time, not strength.

I know that He is God, but I'm not being still right now. I just realised that no matter what I do, something still feels amiss lately.

Hopefully tomorrow afternoon will mark the beginning of more rest, and less on the agenda. Time to settle down and give myself a break.

When the water settles down, things can then be seen clearly, and in perspective.

Teacher

2011-06-30T23:50:00.001+08:00

The stress bubble just burst upon me, and it's flowing down my gut.

It's gonna be a long day tomorrow... and for the first time I'm thinking I might not enjoy it at all.

Maybe I should start learning to say no.

Juggle

2011-06-30T02:09:00.000+08:00

Don't think that my frustration was unreasonable, though anyone else might see it as childish.

Now I am starting to understand how much it drains me, having to juggle the needs/wants/demands/suggestions of the people around me. Though it all turned out okay, maybe taking a back seat next time might do me some good.

Maybe this is part of knowing myself better.

2011-06-22T09:51:00.001+08:00

'If only... then I would be happy.'

Time break out of this, and turn it into:

'Even if... I would still be happy.'

Of Changing Colours

2011-06-15T00:49:00.001+08:00

God, thanks for speaking to me.

You are in control of everything, even the traffic lights. I will probably not be able to explain how so many traffic lights happened to be green when I happened to approach them tonight. Thank you for reminding me that You have the ultimate control, and You decide when we stop, and when we go.

I will learn to not only obey your direction, but also be content with it. Because I know if I don't obey it, I might dive headlong into an accident, and harm myself in the process.

Please, let me see your direction, and help me to obey. Can't do it on my own.

Musician

2011-06-13T01:45:00.001+08:00

It's been a long journey, and somehow I finally feel like I'm coming back to where I started off. Feels like I've set off with fire in my belly, looking to glorify God with the music that pleases him. At times, I lost the flame. At other times, the flame grew.

I learnt many big, small, trivial and critical lessons. I've felt spiritually full, technically inept. Other times, I've also felt spiritually dry, yet technically flawless.

Now this journey to gain musicianship, is now somehow leading me back to the essence of worship - God himself. Feels good to be going home. Where the nuggets of skills that I have brought home can be used by God to whip up an awesome dinner!

Humility and Simplicity

Thank You

2011-06-07T23:47:00.001+08:00

God, I thank you for not showing me clearly what lies ahead, because I know that only through this way will I follow you closely.

Thank You for showing me that from now, it will be less about myself, and more about others. It will be less about receiving and more about giving. It will be less complaining about what I don't have, and more thanksgiving for what I do have.

But one thing that I will never want less of is Your presence.

And that, I'm sure, enough for me.

----------

Just want to get up and dance, because I feel so happy inside now. But my body is so tired...zZzz

2011-06-06T00:51:00.001+08:00

Because we all were born to live for more than this,

So much more than this.

Help me to love, the way that you love me.

Israel Houghton | Others & Mercies feat. Kirk Franklin

2011-06-01T15:40:00.000+08:00

So I want to love, like you love.

Help me love others, the way that you love me.

Because I can't do it on my own.

Continue?

2011-06-01T12:07:00.002+08:00

"DONT STOP. OTHERS MAY STOP, BUT DONT.

SHINE BRIGHTER, KEEP BURNING FROM WITHIN."

That was the message to me, received by Senior Pastor during last week's prayer meeting.

What does it mean? What should I continue? Hopefully I can understand soon... I shall keep this in mind for now.

I'm Counting on...

2011-05-29T22:15:00.000+08:00

Joy unspeakable that won’t go away
And just enough strength
To live for today
So I never have to worry
What tomorrow will bring
‘Cause my faith is on solid rock
I am counting on God.

-----

I thank God for reminding me that all I need to do is to count on Him. This unspeakable joy, I know is within our reach, and the way to reach it is mind-numbingly simple. It is something that the world will never understand, and can only be experienced if the first step is taken to say 'I'm willing'.

This reliance on Him to live out everyday can be pretty scary, but time and time again when one experiences deliverance (like me), it becomes something that sets you free. No longer worrying about the nitty gritty details, but rather trusting in Him. Not only through faith, but also through experience. Tired and tested.

Count on God!

Pray

2011-05-20T09:08:00.004+08:00

I got up early one morning
and rushed right into the day
I had so much to accomplish
that I didn't have time to pray

Problems just tumbled about me
and heavier came each task
'Why doesn't God help me?' I wondered
He answered, 'You didn't ask'

I wanted to see joy and beauty
but the day toiled on gray and bleak
I wondered why God didn't show me
He said, 'But you didn't seek'

I tried to come into God's presence
I used all my keys at the lock
God gently and lovingly chided
'My servant, you didn't knock'

I woke up early this morning
and paused before entering the day
I had so much to accomplish
that I had to take time to pray

- Author unknown

2011-05-18T10:26:00.002+08:00

Dear God,

Thank You for revealing the flaws in me, and the secret pride that has been lurking within.

I thank You for the gifts that you have entrusted to me. Teach me to be humbled not only by Your presence, but also in the magnitude of the grace you have shown me. Use me to glorify Your name, and not the other way round. Give me a teachable heart, and show me how to truly be humble.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen!

Fear

2011-05-17T00:10:00.001+08:00

All of us want to be heard. We want a voice, and we want to express ourselves. People die for that right.

But deep inside me, there is a fear.

Not of losing this voice.

That, I might still be able to live with.

My greatest fear is when I finally get to speak, when all ears are trained upon me, I realise

that I really don't have much to say after all.

Free.

2011-05-15T22:49:00.002+08:00

Love came down and rescued me,
Love came down and set me free.
I am Yours,
I am forever Yours.

It's at times like these where peace, and a great courage, wells up in my heart.

Proud of it.

2011-05-14T23:51:00.000+08:00

Hearing God's whisper doesn't have to involve earth-shattering revelations - Sometimes, all He wants to remind you is to fill in that (optional) declaration of your religion in that newcomer's form.

Honor God, and He will honor you.

Baggage

2011-04-28T16:28:00.003+08:00

It's so difficult to stay positive, I am honestly starting to believe that it takes something supernatural to find joy in the challenge that my family faces. Dementia has long become a tumor that we have since been curious, hopeful, angry, upset and (now) tolerant about. A challenge that no family will truly be fully equipped to handle.

And it doesn't help when additional baggage from the past comes weighing down any effort to lighten everyone's hearts. That self-cacooning pathology drilled over the years brought to its logical end; we can't reach out to her. We never know what is truly going on in her mind, always saying one thing and meaning another. It is hardly real, rarely honest. Second-guessing, constantly working hard to decode, never being able to let our guard down lest her basic needs be neglected due to that stubborn pride in her.

I will never know what it feels like to be her husband, nor what it feels like to be her son, nor daughter-in-law, nor granddaughter.

I hope that when I am asked to recall about my grandmother, the hardships that I speak of will end on a note that lifts the hearts of the listener. Something positive, something uplifting. Just a little lift is all that I ask for.

But before I can tell you the uplifting part, I desperately need to experience it myself first.

Two

2011-04-28T12:21:00.003+08:00

2 down, another 2 to go!

Jang Jang Jang.

One

2011-04-27T22:54:00.000+08:00

1 submission down, 3 more to go!

2011-04-26T23:49:00.002+08:00

God, please help me through this!

Faith Builder

2011-04-24T21:08:00.000+08:00

I was reminded that little prayers go a long way to building faith.

God asked me a question recently: If I was willing to trust Him with the big things in my life, why did I hesitate to seek him on smaller things?

Indeed, it wasn't logical when I thought about it.

If I am willing to trust him with my future, my career, my family, why am I hesitant to pray to him for just a parking lot, smooth traffic, and good weather?

So I prayed, and He answered.

Thank You for the cloud that blocked the sun yesterday.
Thank You for the clouds that didn't pour today.
Thank You, because of Your Love.

Potato

2011-04-14T00:33:00.002+08:00

"Why so emo lately?"

That's the question posed. The answer, is probably not very apparent, not even to me.

There was a period back in my secondary school days when I secretly enjoyed being in a state of melancholy, musing about life and loss, waxing lyrical about universal romantic issues like life, death, love and dreams. I remember a comment that I seemed very 'brooding' back in those days

Maybe a new sensibility has emerged from these few years. Maybe something more grounded in reality. A little more logic, less airy-fairy.

Yet I guess the emo-ness returns at some point in time. Could it be a coping mechanism? Like a biological reaction to stress. Release of hormones result in stronger emotional response to external stimulus, like assignments, and deadlines. It results in an external projection of distress(a big sigh perhaps), which in turn affects the mind even more, forming an endless loop.

There is one coping mechanism, though, that I have already tested and proven to occur. That is: procrastination.

Why?

2011-04-13T17:45:00.002+08:00

家人往往会让一个人抓狂。为什么距离越进，对彼此的耐心反而越少？

help help

2011-04-12T00:54:00.003+08:00

God,
Please help me keep focused in school, I haven't worked so hard to throw it all away in the final lap. You are always in control, so is there something You want me to learn from this?

Because my eye keeps drifting to what lies beyond this hurdle, and I'm losing the will to be faithful in the small things. I am lost... Teach me to not only what to do, but also how to do it, so that I may still glorify You, no matter how impossible a task that may sound now.
Amen.

Root

2011-04-05T10:58:00.000+08:00

I realised that I have grown, in the sense that I am no longer as insecure as I used to be. There are things now that I stand for. Don't get me wrong, I used to stand for them too; It's not a new development.

But when I was younger, there were things that I used to do or say which compromised on my beliefs. Maybe to gain some solidarity, maybe to fit in. It was sometimes what I felt for, but more often than not, I said it for the sake of being part of a group, an identity.

Now, I still feel the tingling need to say things which please people. I guess it never goes away. Like branches in a storm, I may sway. Except that now I'm beginning to sense the assuring presence of my roots growing deeper. Deeper into a truth that does not sway, is not carried away by winds, and stands against the test of time.

够力

2011-04-02T23:33:00.000+08:00

Feeling a little crushed by the school work recently. And you know it's become even more heavy when you suddenly transit from hopeful enthusiasm into measured procrastination.

Need more strength to survive the remaining 1 month! Gah!

Andrew Wyeth

2011-04-01T00:36:00.003+08:00

When sourcing out for a piece of painting to study, I found out that I am really in love with Andrew Wyeth's work... can't stop looking at his work! Surreal, yet intensely detailed. It has a psychological edge to it, and a quiet melancholy that permeates all his work. Somehow he manages to treat everything as a still life; even his portraits have a still life quality to them.

I chose "Christina Olson" to study, because I think it's possibly what I want to achieve in photography too. The pose seems to tell of a longing. Of something tangible, maybe even intangible. Yet there is also a sense of resignation, without extinguishing a hope. Intense stuff.

And here is the study!

Sublime?

2011-03-30T23:19:00.001+08:00

I was researching for a project on spaces, city and time, when I came across a collection of photographs by an artist called Lynne Cohen. Her work involved taking interior photographs of everyday mundane spaces. Yet all her photographs do not contain people.

And suddenly, these images of empty interiors, devoid of people, became unfamiliar, and even bizarre. And to my surprise, I felt a fear inside me growing as I flipped through the pages. It was pretty intense. Was it the lack of life that scared me? I am sure that at one point of looking at the images I felt like I was the only person in the world.

Have a look here, and take your time to absorb each image.

Short-lived?

2011-03-30T00:58:00.002+08:00

The joy that I am feeling now, is it possibly from doing the right thing?

Somehow I have unknowingly assumed the role of Judo Club President, now that the President is out-of-action. And it doesn't help that he has decided not to continue next year. With most of the people being away on exchange, I have to honestly say that there is no one else but me to fill in the gap. There is no one else, literally. In terms of knowledge and leadership, I do not dare to say that I have what it takes to be an outstanding president. According to the eyes of the world.

But from a lesson recently on God's timing, I learnt to take a look back at the things that have been leading up to the moment. And I am willing to bet that this opportunity is one that may allow me to glorify God. From small little things that lead up to the moment, I recall different things that lead up to now, where an even greater challenge awaits.

Of course, I don't ever think I am fully equipped to be a President. But neither did Moses, nor David, nor Peter feel that they were outstanding enough as people to be used by God greatly. All they did was to trust in God, and walk closely to the One who has the absolute authority.

The joy that I am feeling now, it will be gone in the future, call me cynical if you must. But I guarantee you that I will be keeping my ears peeled for His guidance all the way.

Atas

2011-03-28T02:30:00.002+08:00

I'm so amused by my decision to include the word 'diametrically' as part of my art history presentation. The art school and it's 'atas-ness' is infectious.

Another Victory

2011-03-25T22:59:00.004+08:00

A supposed $9 trip to Science centre for drawing class was changed to a trip to esplanade. FREE.

Providence Assured

2011-03-25T16:26:00.001+08:00

There are times where God replies us. There are also times when God doesn't. But there are other times when God does something so reassuring that you have no other choice but to say, "Alright, I get it, You alone have the power to light my way."

When I mentioned that my spending was too high, I didn't mention that the spending actually ate into the $100 dollars that I aim to save every month. With only $20 dollars left to spend from Thursday until Monday, I had prayed for God's providence to be over me.

What was to be a lunchtime meet up with a few church friends turned out to be God's message for me: Trust in me to provide. As I relished the chance to meet up with Pastor Elvis, Yang Yang, Yi Yi, Claudia and Jimmy, I didn't consider that I had little money to spare. So imagine the horror when they mentioned going to Executive cafe, where the lowest cost for a meal was $4.80, which was $2.80 over my budget. As my heart started to sink, Pastor Elvis suddenly mentioned that he would give us all a treat.

At that moment, I knew that God was trying to assure me. The few dollars might not have been much to him, but I really felt a peace in me that was hard to describe. He reminded me that He was the one who provides. It was a reminder that God probably didn't have to give, but chose to do so because he cared for me (1 Peter 5:7).

Nonetheless, a great lunch, even with extra veggies and peking duck!
Colourful fried rice with peas in secondary colours!

Lower Overhead, Providence Over Head.

2011-03-23T23:19:00.001+08:00

Kinda disappointed that I don't have savings for the month of March, majority of which was spent partially on food indulgences, and majority on art supplies. Disappointment not at the lack of money, but at the lack of foresight to this situation, resulting in a ‘月光’ month. I guess when you spend, the initial elation at a purchase masks the actual cost.

Shall tighten my spending next month to compensate, $2.00 chicken biryani FTW!
---
Dear God,

Thank you for all that you have provided for me in life. You fully understand my needs, and even more that I do. If I have ever considered withholding the control of my finances from You, please forgive me. Give me the faith to do the things that need to be done, and the understanding that you ultimately will provide for me all that I need to be your child. Father, provide me all that I need to live each day, and please let me be constantly reminded of your blessings not only in the intangibles, but also in the tangibles of my life! Teach me to commit my finances into your hands, and take the necessary steps of faith to see your blessings!

Amen

Do the right thing!

2011-03-16T18:58:00.002+08:00

Do the right thing, Thomas...

What is wrong will be set right eventually. It might not even come from your effort, and things will be set right. Just that you might not enjoy the process. God is moulding you into a masterpiece.

You have to bear the consequences of what you have done. But even more so, you have to bear the consequences of what you have not done.

Time to take a stand, and be firm, Thomas! Say and do the right thing.

Duty

2011-03-09T23:02:00.002+08:00

We need to do what needs to be done. That's normal.

Now I'm going to do what needs to be done by someone else. That's just life.

WOO.

2011-03-07T23:54:00.003+08:00

An idea is an idea is an idea.

After 12 hours of brain crunching, there is finally something. It will be prudent to remember that I spent the first 11 hours in deep failure, unable to come up with anything. Then I prayed. Desperately, skipping the pleasantries and full sentences.

Then one more agonizing hour passed, and then the idea just materialized!

Thank you God!

I NEED SOMETHING.

2011-03-07T14:29:00.001+08:00

Oh my goodness, I'm absolutely clueless now, and it's due in 2 days.

Dear professor, why do you speak in tongues?

Start Engine

2011-02-28T17:39:00.001+08:00

It takes a lot of faith to believe. To trust that God will never put you in a situation where you are unable to choose, think, and do the right thing. And when the choice eventually gets made, you need to see that choice till its conclusion.

And I need that faith engine to get going now, because it's gonna be two long months.

2011-02-27T23:58:00.001+08:00

God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called.

I thoroughly enjoyed serving in Church today, and it was fruitful. Being put in the position of band leader, I relished the added challenge of leading the band, and giving direction musically. Able to learn lots about communicating not only musically, but also using non-verbals to influence/direct others in the band. Apart from that, the conscious requirement for me to show non-verbals also helped me to worship.

Interesting to note, because it has always been my belief that actions are motivated by the person inside, which is a perfectly valid stand. However, this time round, as I danced(sort of) and bobbed around, in hopes of giving a visual beat for the team, I was actually lifted up too. So actions do affect our emotions too.

Perhaps my initial reluctance to be band leader was unnecessary. I should have realised that whenever I have said "Yes" to God, He has never failed me.

I remember a prayer upon me 6 years ago. In it the person prayed that I would be a 'Moses'; I would be a leader among people. Be bold, be brave. You must understand that I didn't have great speaking skills(still don't), couldn't pray with 'complex' terminology(still can't), and was so young(STILL AM). How was that possible? That intense fear of leadership roles and public speaking, was impossible to surmount, I thought.

Never would I have thought that today, this prayer is being answered, me being a team leader in a worship team. Without any plans, or premeditation on my own. All His plan, and me actually enjoying it. Like the prayer to one day lead worship in Korea(also prayed 6 years ago), God answers them one by one.

What's next? What bigger shoes to fill now? I am excited to know.

Going Home

2011-02-20T23:06:00.003+08:00

It's was never something I thought I would consider 'quality time'. But as I sat beside michelle on the rocky bus ride home, a realisation struck me.

Listening to John Mayer while sharing earphones, both of us drifting in and out of sleep while leaning agianst each other, I understood that sometimes words are just not necessary to communicate affection.

SOS

2011-02-14T04:47:00.000+08:00

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should call on God, who gives generously to all without finding fault; And it will be given to you." James 1:5

God, I'm holding you to it now... pls ack, thanks!

Unworthy

2011-02-13T18:20:00.000+08:00

Worship service today was truly awe-inspiring. As we sang the chorus to a song we knew well, but nearly forgot about, I was suddenly hit by the magnitude of God's Love for us. It's nothing new to my head knowledge, but deep down inside I was deeply moved.

It's such a boundless Love that, in that moment, I truly understood that we are all unworthy of His Love. No single person can lay claim to the Love that was given unconditionally, and say that he/she deserves it. We only receive it because He gives it freely, to all.

I never really knew what was that ball of emotion within during worship. If nothing, it was a gut-wrenching experience to remember that Christ died for me, when I did not deserve it. But if I were to take a stab at guessing, I would say that it contained a mixture of immense gratitude at His grace, a joy of salvation, and great humility in receiving His Love.

Do it, lah.

2011-02-09T03:58:00.001+08:00

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
They will run and not grow weary,
They will walk and not be faint." - Isaiah 40:31

If you can believe in God for who you say he is, then logically, you will also trust in His promises. But if we say we trust in his Promises, why do we sometimes live our lives as if we don't? We make silly mistakes, thinking that maybe God got it wrong 'just this once', that maybe we know better for once. But the biggest problem lies not in us trusting Him, but it lies in our response to Him. Meaning?

We have to do what we are supposed to do. To fly, to run, to walk. If not, what is the point of replenishing our energy when we haven't spent any? What is the point of power when we do not use it in His will? To be blessed is one thing, to live out a blessed life and bless other people is another.

Ohh, I love italics.

Israel Houghton | Hosanna (Be Lifted Higher)

2011-02-07T20:42:00.003+08:00

Hosanna,

In the highest

Let our King be lifted up

Hosanna

Higher,

Be lifted Higher, Higher

---

This is one of the simplest worship songs I have heard. It speaks of a truth. That in a cry of 'Hosanna' for our Saviour to 'save us', we also proclaim him King. In the fog of our weakness, His strength shines, sustaining, leading.

As I sought direction, and guidance for our own worship team, came a reply almost too simple.

"Keep worshipping", He said. Two words that require both heart and mind. The act and the attitude. "Let me handle the rest. Keep worshipping."

I hope we, as a worship team, will usher in worship that is deep, humble, and God-honoring. Beyond that, I pray that we do not lose sight of God in our pursuit of excellence. Let worship not become a means to an end, but rather the goal.

I Need Exit Signs.

2011-01-31T22:11:00.000+08:00

It seems like there is no other way to face this challenge other than head on. But who likes to do that? Dementia is not something people are equipped to live with, or deal with. But it is a very real problem when it comes into your family. As the reality that things might not get better in the foreseeable future begins to set in, so does the familiar feeling of helplessness.

No, I do not know if there is a cure for my grandmother. At least the doctors don't think so. All I can do now is to be the most mature person that I have ever been. to be ready for all eventualities. Maybe it is time to be a rock to those around me. It might get worse, and what happens then?

Being away from home, I selfishly find respite in the fact that at least, I do not experience nor witness the damage that the mind does on a person. But the others at home have to learn to deal with it everyday; Even though a deep faith in God rests in each heart, all of us secretly cry out for deliverance from this agony. Not of having to repeat ourselves, mind you. It is the agony of seeing how the passage of time ravages what is remaining of her memory, her personality, even her consciousness.

It is a pain in the family that may not be gone any time soon. As the anger flares at the helplessness of the situation, we hope to see some light.

Even as I pray to God to take the condition away, I also pray for the courage to face what lies ahead, good or bad. I pray to be a light to those that need to see it. I pray that even when my greatest fears become reality, I will have the will to carry on.

Does that make me a person of little faith, praying for the best yet preparing for the worst?

Maybe not.

It only means I realised my reliance on God to live out each day.

2011-01-26T23:49:00.002+08:00

Lord,

Teach me to put everything into Your hands.
Let me rely not on my own understanding, but Your Word.
Fill me with your Truth, that I may live it out with conviction.

I entrust my friendships into your hands,
Lord, be the light that they see in me.

Amen!

The Bored Identity

2011-01-24T00:26:00.005+08:00

I love that dance that I get to do with the sales staff. Especially when I'm the only one in the store, and I'm really not sure what I want. What follows is usually awkward conversations involving "just looking around", and "oh okay".

So in order to explain/escape the awkwardness, I sometimes imagine I'm a secret agent gone rogue, and I'm being tailed by fellow ex-collegues posing as sales staff. Surveillance by the big brother on your shopping habits. They need to know your every move, every decision.

The first thing you learn as an agent is never to trust anybody. Ever. Even though they may look or sound the sweetest. They want something from you, and will do everything they should to get it.

What ensues is a delicate dance around the shelves, as I pretend I'm interested in the fungi-looking soft toys, or soft-toy-looking fungi before me(depending on the store I'm in). It helps to give whoever is watching a false sense of security, thinking that you are genuinely interested, and will hang around for awhile. Once I sense the agent loosing a moment's attention, I grab my chance and dart around the shelf, out of the line of fire, and head calmly for the exit.

It usually takes 5-10 seconds for them to realise that I'm gone, but that is all that is needed for a trained professional like me to disappear, free to carry on with my mission.

The life of a secret agent/uninterested window shopper.

Of fluffy outlooks and self-help

2011-01-14T02:21:00.003+08:00

Today I brushed my teeth twice in the same morning. No, I am not loosing my memory, neither am I having OCD. Well, maybe just a little bit. When you have free time, and lots of energy, self-improvement tends to become an addiction.

Time to clean my room, tidy my desk, arrange my books, fold some clothes, practice an instrument, eat some brain food.

Listening to music that is uplifting, and full of hope, I decided to empty some trash, clean up a messy room(my own of course). Heck, I even went jogging. It was such a hopeful day, and what better way to spend it than with pearly white teeth!

I am thankful for a day filled with rainbows, sunshine, butterflies, rabbits, candy, fluffy, sparrows and ribbons.

2010-12-16T20:44:00.002+08:00

自己能做的就只有那么多，上帝你来介入吧。。。

Don't say I didn't try.

2010-12-07T01:13:00.003+08:00

I need to find my way back, it's such a lonely road without the One I really need the most.

Deal wit it.

2010-11-22T00:40:00.005+08:00

It wil be a joyous day when the main concern is no longer 'What about me?'. When the main preoccupation is no longer on myself. It might have started to change, but this concern still lurks like a thief in the shadow, ever ready to blind me to other needs.

It should be 'What about them?'. As in what others would need. I guess that is something not reserved to Christianity, but rather pillars of any strong leadership. To see the need of others before self is to say that they, as a member of a group, matter. And would a leader matter if there was no one to lead? Would a self-serving leader last long?

But I would like to offer a third question: 'What about Jesus?'. This question that I thought about on the way home which puts things into perspective: He the King, your King, died on the cross for you, crucified. What was your problem, again?

This is not a cop-out to say 'deal with it, foo'.

It is to understand the magnitude of the suffering Christ endured in carrying all the sins of humanity.

It is to see that suffering, and then to compare it to yours.

I already feel lighter writing this.

2010-11-16T23:31:00.002+08:00

Sometimes when you are in the wrong, you just gotta suck it up and say sorry.

To submit to authority is also a sign of obedience, and I thank God I did not react today. Even though I was very much at fault, a resentful pride always seems to find a way into our consciousness, doesn't it?

Small victories win a war.

2010-11-15T00:46:00.002+08:00

Why do all my post exam plans involve spending money?

Lots of it!

Jam Bands.

2010-11-09T00:29:00.005+08:00

A bass is a bass is a bass.

What really matters is what you play, and who you play to.

It just isn't the same. Should I be glad that there's a difference?

What???

2010-11-04T00:49:00.003+08:00

Inside you is a place where you don't want to go to. You don't go there because it's dangerous. You don't want people to go there too. It lies deep, and it's dangerous. Sometimes it hurts you, and that's why you don't want to go there. That's why. When people go there, you get hurt. It's just to protect them. Because you don't go there, it's too dangerous. For them. And for you too.

In the end, you don't get anywhere. You just end up fuming.

*end attempt at writing like a deluded person*

Clean and Groovy

2010-10-12T00:42:00.001+08:00

Listen to the bass carefully, this is how I would like to play: Clean, precise, and groovy!

The Trappings of Having Enough Time

2010-10-09T22:56:00.003+08:00

Sometimes it's good to be organized. You get your to-do list ironed out, and move forward with the plan, things get done, you don't get flustered.

But it's another feeling when the list starts to get long

When the tasks start to get complex.

Or when you realise that the time you have is enough to complete them.

What's wrong with the last one, you ask? What is wrong with having enough time? The key lies in the word "enough". Which means that apart from completing your tasks, you barely have time for anything else. Like taking photos for fun. Or reading a magazine. Or practicing music. Or even just having lunch with church friends. Everything is on-the-dot, to-the-point, complete and move on.

It's easier to find that you don't have enough time, and find a way to work around this problem, try to negotiate a better deadline, try to get some help.

But no, if you have enough time, do it. Best by yourself.

I have the burning urge to transcribe a particular song on the bass tonight, but I should rest for the long day ahead. No, I have no choice but to rest. So that I can have enough time and energy to do what I need to do.

-------------

Funny how when we say "no choice", we actually mean that the choice is crystal clear. But we say that to imply reluctance. Because we do have a choice, except that the choice that we need to make is to be made, regardless of our own desires. So if your feeling is screwed, you gotta rely on your logic.

-------------

On another note, I had a choice today, and I did the right thing.

Let's hope this streak continues...

Teach Me

2010-09-26T17:46:00.004+08:00

Dear Lord,

Teach me to be true to myself. Teach me to walk in You. Teach me to be a light to others.

Let me not succumb to demands of others, not to the pressures of the world, not to the worldly expectations dumped upon this generation.

Whenever I feel lonely, remind me that You are only a prayer away.

Whenever I feel burdened, remind me that my chains are gone.

Whenever I forget you, remind me that You never forgot me.

Amen.

信心

2010-09-11T00:15:00.005+08:00

何谓信心？是眼睛所看得见，耳朵所听得见之事吗？要经历信心的成果，唯有在持守之后才能看得见。要相信上帝的安排，唯有紧抓住上帝的话语。

“你求告我，我就应允你、并将你所不知到，又大又难的事、指示你”

耶利米书 33：3

Blogger?

2010-09-06T23:06:00.001+08:00

Hmm I guess the impetus to blog really reflects the complexity of the environment I'm in. Or should I say the lack of impetus which I observed recently.

When I was younger, I blogged at a rate which I probably can never reach today. And I really enjoyed it. The complexity of growing pains took a lighter toll, as my emo-ness found an outlet.

When my school life (kinda) ended and my army life started, the post counts also started to dwindle down. Life was simpler; Do what you're told, do it well. Don't do what you're not supposed to, and nothing (too) bad will happen.

Now that I'm back in school, this feeling is coming back, minus the emo-ness, add some uncertainty and a does of blur sotong.

And so this post could be the start of a more regular correspondence between me and this tiny piece of blog, in the big puzzle we call the world wide web. See you around!

Happyness

2010-08-28T08:40:00.006+08:00

Recently I read a book which revealed something about me right now. What it revealed to me, I can only be thankful for. It talked briefly about how different facial muscle groups need work together to form meaningful expressions, and how there are little differences in the muscles used that may imply different things.

"If I were to ask you to smile, you would flex your zygomatic major (say "cheese"). By contrast, if you were to smile spontaneously, in the presence of genuine emotion, you would not only flex your zygomatic but also tighten the orbicularis oculi, pars orbitalis, which is the muscle that encircles the eye.

It is almost impossible to tighten the orbicularis oculi, pars orbitalis on demand, and it is equally difficult to stop it from tightening when we smile at something genuinely pleasurable."

As I think about what I read (and try to do whatever is being described) I give thanks that when I try a smile, there is no real difficulty smiling "genuinely".

And since I know that it is nearly impossible to manufacture a genuine smile, I can only conclude that there is something in me that brings me genuine happiness, hence, a smile.

This happiness is abundant, and so constant, that I feel like I can smile anytime. Not because my facial muscles move at my command, but because the joy that fills me doesn't depend on how well life is, but who I know I can count on.

=)

Your Point?

2010-07-05T00:10:00.007+08:00

I have always wondered my place in serving on a Youth Sunday, what it meant to me, as an individual, as a youth, and as a musician. I always felt that it's a special day, to be filled with inspiring performances by youths to "show the world" what we are made of, so to speak.

Having always imagined an "ideal" Youth Sunday to be as such, I guess I was slightly disappointed that all we are doing that is "out of the norm" is actually a song presentation. Not sure what else I expected, but I just wanted to see/do more.

But I realised something today that put a little guilt in me: that We don't have to prove to ourselves or anyone what we are made of. That is not the reason we have youth sunday. Not to 'flex' our muscles and remind others to stay out of our way!

All we are to do is celebrate what the Lord has done in our lives, give thanks that we found Him in our prime, and rededicate the rest of our lives to Him.

I celebrate Youth Sunday, not because of what I have done, but for what He has done!